Waiting for Life to Begin

Are you waiting for life to begin?  Perhaps you’re managing your unhappiness through “self-medication” substance use ( alcohol, medication, drugs) to excess, shopping to excess, working in excess, eating in excess or participating in a self-inflicted hunger strike, protesting against the unhappiness.  The hope is that through your actions (pick one of the aforementioned) you can either cover up the unhappiness or drive it away.  The reality, however, is that no matter what you do, you are still unhappy.  Your life feels more like an ending than a beginning.  You’re desperate for life to begin but at a loss on how to get it started.  There is hope and it lies in the Truth – Jesus Christ.

The truth is that there is absolutely nothing that we can do that will satisfy our hunger, heal our hurts or bring us joy.  We’re mere mortals.  Only God – via Jesus Christ – has the power to make satisfaction a reality in our life.  He is the Bread of Life, our Physician and Healer, our All in All.  Without Him we only have the world to satisfy us and, quite frankly, the world is like a bag of salty potato chips – attractive, tasty, addictive, drawing us back for more and more but ultimately resulting in a stomach ache and severe dehydration (i.e. not fully satisfying).

For many years I ate that proverbial bag of potato chips believing that if I was just thinner, prettier, dressed in designer clothes, was smarter, drove a nicer car, was married or in a relationship, was wealthy, and/or had a fabulous career that I would be satisfied, filled with happiness and joy.  Boy, was I wrong!  Just as one would expect, the more I “ate” of that lie the thirstier I became.  I didn’t find happiness; I found hospitalization, dysfunctional relationships and credit card debt.  It wasn’t until I drank the Living Water (John 4:10) that I was satisfied and filled with joy.

“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” ~ Jesus (Matthew 11:28-30)

It’s a new year and the perfect time to break through the unhappiness and find rest for your weary, thirsty soul in Jesus Christ.  Don’t lose hope, find it in the loving arms of your Savior.

Open Wounds

Healing through therapy is a process and, unfortunately, sometimes a painful one. It is difficult to look inside ourselves – at the hurt, anger, and insecurities – without feeling the pain of the emotions and beliefs about ourselves that we are examining. Yet it is a requirement for healing.  Just as a surgeon must open up a patient in order to heal an internal ailment, so too must I as a therapist delve into the darkness and light that is within.

It’s the potential pain of healing that keep many of us trapped in our unhappiness, depression and dissatisfaction. Although we do not feel good, we are certain that what we feel currently will feel better than taking a hard look at ourselves by endeavoring to change.  So we remain in our unhappy state, comfortably uncomfortable in our dissatisfaction and hoping that by some miracle the feeling will go away despite our doing nothing to remedy it.  Oh, if only healing by ignoring the problem were possible!  It’s not.

In order to heal we must understand why we are hurting.  Unfortunately this requires feeling the pain and examining the internal issue in the light of day.  Is it fun?  No.  Is there a reward it in it?  Yes – healing. Examining our self – identifying our shortcomings, hurt, anger and insecurities – and feeling the pain is not easy nor for the faint of heart.  But for those who desire healing and greater mental and emotional strength it is necessary.  We must bring the “yuck”, as a client once called it, out into the light so that we can purge it.

The following excerpt from Oswald Chamber’s, “My Utmost for His Highest”, reminded me of this very principle.  The excerpt is based upon John 14:9 which states, “Jesus said to him, ‘Have I been with you so long, and yet you have not known Me, Philip?’”  At first read, it might appear as though Jesus is rebuking Philip by saying, in modern day terms, “Philip, how could you not know me?!  Hello!  I’ve been with you all this time.  Duh!”  But that’s not what Jesus was saying nor was it His intended meaning.  As Oswald Chamber’s states, “These words were not spoken as a rebuke, nor even with surprise; Jesus was encouraging Philip to draw closer. Yet the last person we get intimate with is Jesus.”  Shockingly true isn’t it?  Jesus often is the last person we get intimate with despite the fact that we know Him as Healer and Friend.

The question is, “Why?” – “Why don’t we get intimate with Jesus?” I believe it’s for the same reason we stay stuck in our dysfunctional behavior – we are afraid to admit who we really are and the pain we are truly feeling.  If we were to allow Jesus to intimately know us, we fear that He might not like us or that we would feel condemned.  And, likewise, if we were to intimately examine our self or our internal workings we might find out we don’t really like what we find or to feel the pain, sadness and dissatisfaction that’s inside.  I certainly don’t blame you for wanting to hide.  But, folks, just like we can’t hide from Jesus (remember, he already does but that doesn’t keep us from trying to keep Him out) we can’t hide from our pain and expect it to go away.  You have to feel it to heal it!  Just as a doctor must remove a bullet from your body in order for your body to fully heal, you have to release the pain and hurt to heal the open wound in your heart.  It’s a terrifying thing to do but it must be done if you wish to truly heal.

It’s a new year and it could also be a new you – satisfied and joy-filled.  But you can only be new if you let the Light shine in; that’s when the healing begins.

Therefore, from now on, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we have known Christ according to the flesh, yet now we know Him thus no longer. ¹⁷ Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. 2 Corinthians 5:16-17, NKJV

To him who overcomes … (Revelation 2:7)

Healing Begins

Lyrics for “Healing Begins”, Mike Donehey/Jason Ingram/Jeff Owen

So you thought you had to keep this up
All the work that you do so we think that you’re good
And you can’t believe it’s not enough
All the walls you built up are just glass on the outside

So let them fall down
There’s freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We’re here now

This is where the healing begins
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you’re broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Afraid to let your secrets out
Everything that you hide could come crashing through the door now
But too scared to face all your fear
So you hide but you find that the shame won’t disappear

Sparks will fly as grace collides
With the dark inside of us
So please don’t fight this coming light
Let this blood come cover us
His blood can cover us

© 2010 Sony/ATV Timber Publishing / West Main Music / Formerly Music / Windsor Hill Music (SESAC) / Sony/ATV Cross Keys Publishing / Mt. Roskill Music / Robots Rule the World (ASCAP)

To listen, visit www.TenthAvenueNorth.com

You Are Not Alone

Have you ever struggled with an issue and wondered if you were the only person on the planet to have ever struggled with such an issue? I would be surprised if that thought had NEVER crossed your mind; it’s crossed mine. But what I have come to realize through years of personal experience, counseling others and scripture is that we are not alone in our struggles and we certainly are not only the person on the planet to have experienced whatever issue – mental, emotional, physical or spiritual –we are struggling with right now.

We are told in 1 Corinthians 10:13 “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man…”. Temptation(s), or whatever issue you may be facing – substance abuse or addiction, an eating disorder, communication difficulties with your spouse, discord in the home, a prodigal child – is not new or unique to you (Ecclesiastes 1:9-10) but is common to human beings. We all, unfortunately, struggle.

And it is these struggles that the enemy, Satan, uses not only to separate us from God – through depression, anger, bitterness and many other negative feelings – but from one another. Satan uses the issues we face to isolate from one another and God; and then he uses that isolation – feeling alone in our issues – as a means to torment us. He does not want us to feel the comfort and healing of forgiveness or grace. He wants to distance us from anything that may bring us joy and keep us in misery by telling us that we are the only one experiencing this issue. And all the while we are falling further and further into the pit of despair and self-loathing because we think there must be something wrong with us if we are struggling.

But guess what, folks? We are not alone. According to Hebrews 4:15 “For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin.” Even Jesus, our High Priest, was tempted and struggled. He was victorious in that struggle and we can be too because “…God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it (1 Corinthians 10:13).”

There is hope. You are not alone. We all struggle through life and face issues that seem insurmountable or devastate us to our core. But God is present and through Him all things are possible (Mark 9:28, Mark 10:27, Matthew 19:26), including mental, emotional, spiritual, relational, physical healing. He loves you enough to provide that healing. Do you love yourself enough to receive His healing? It took me 10 years of struggling and misery before I was finally able to love myself – the unique creation in Christ than I am – enough to accept that healing. I pray it won’t take you as long. Begin the journey to healing now; it’s never too late.

The Present

Have you ever noticed how difficult it is to stay in the present and set your eyes upon Jesus?  Much of our time is spent looking behind at our past – “I wish I would have done …”, “I should have said …”, “What was I thinking…?” – or ahead to the future – “I wonder if he’s going to …”, “I wonder if I should plan …”, “What should I do if …?” instead of being present. We mediate on what was or what will be instead of focusing on what is now.  As a therapist I believe that much can be learned by examining the past and looking for patterns that resulted in our present condition.  I also believe in planning for the future in regards to our actions and behaviors in response to stressors.  However, the real work, that which is transformational and gets to the heart of the issue, is done in the present with Jesus as our guide.

Jesus is eternal which means be does not live in the past nor does He live in the future, He lives in both and, perhaps more importantly, He lives in the present – the here and now of our lives.  Scripture tells us that He is with us (Psalm 73:23, Colossians 2:5, Matthew 28:20) – not simply that He was with us or that He will be with us in the future.  He is with us now, at this present moment.  So if you are not in the present but are living in the past or looking to the future, you are missing the prime opportunity of being present with Jesus and sharing with Him where you are at during this moment.  What are you thinking?  What are you feeling?  What are you doing?  He is interested.  And while He knows your heart, He still is eager for you to share it with Him.  By doing so you have asked Him to enter into your life with you; to join you in your daily struggles.

We are a culmination of our life experiences so dealing with the present is in all actuality dealing with the past since you, presently, are coping with the results of past experiences.  And by being in the present you are, in fact, planning for the future since the work He is doing in your heart right now will shape the future that lies ahead. Being in the present is challenging and sometimes scary because it can mean focusing on the painful, sad and hurtful things that lie before us.  But do not fear (Psalm 27:1), for Jesus is with you and He wishes to heal you (Hebrews 4:15, Jeremiah 29:11, Romans 8:28).  While what you’re facing in the present may seem and feel monumental, nothing is too big or too bad for Jesus (Luke 1:37).  So cradle yourself in the comfort of His arms and let His peace, which passes all understanding (Philippians 4:7), wash over you in this present moment.  Let the healing begin now.

Healed by Faith

“What do you want Me to do for you?” He said, “Lord, that I may receive my sight.” Then Jesus said to him, “Receive your sight; your faith has made you well.” ~ Luke 18:41

Have you ever wondered why, despite your being aware of a particular issue you may have in your life, you have not been able to resolve the issue? You have identified the fact that you drink too much, eat too much or too little, have marital issues or a prodigal child, yet recognizing and being aware of the problem have done nothing to help you solve the problem. Perhaps you’ve gone to the self-help section of the bookstore or discussed the problem at length with a friend or even attended a recovery group but to no avail. Perhaps you’ve thought to yourself, “I’m trying so hard to work through this problem and fix it yet nothing seems to help. What more can I do?” The answer lies in the scripture above.

When nothing else works we must pray and have faith. It was not an advanced surgery or holistic healing that gave the blind man sight it was (1) he asked Jesus for healing and (2) he had faith that Jesus would heal. Often times we get so caught up in all of the worldly solutions to problems that we forget the most important, integral and essential solution available to everyone on this mud ball called earth – PRAYER. Ask the Lord for healing in prayer. He knows far more about you and your issue than any psychologist on Oprah or than can be found at the bottom of a pint of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream or a bottle of Vodka. Seek Him and He will reveal the answer.

The caveat is that you must also have FAITH that He will provide the answer and the healing. It was not simply the request made by the blind man that healed him. Jesus tells us that it was His faith. We must have faith that God will deliver and that He will heals us in order for the healing to occur.

We must also remember that all things occur in God’s timing (see blog titled “Aha moments” for further discussion). While we are not given the blind man’s age in this scripture, I believe it safe to assume that this was not a situation he had only been suffering from for a short period of time. After all, he is at point in his life when he has become so desperate that he ignores the crowds requests for him to be quiet and instead cries out, “Son of David, have mercy on me!” (v38). Often times we too must be at our wits end before we will turn to God and cry out, asking Him to have mercy on us. And until we come to that point, no matter what truth God has revealed, we do not lean on our faith for healing but instead rely on our own efforts. Faith in God heals. Not man or any of his best efforts. This is not to say that seeking support and guidance from man – a Pastor or professional counselor – cannot be of great benefit to you during your struggles. It can and I would recommend it. However, the ultimate healing comes from God by faith.

So if you are struggling, if you are lost in a quagmire and you don’t know what to do next, there are two things I recommend – prayer and faith. And if you are not at a point in your life where you feel mentally, emotionally or spiritually strong enough to do this on our own and you need help getting your footing, seek professional help either from a Pastor or a Christian counselor. While neither can give you faith, both can support you as Christ has called us to do for fellow believers (Hebrews 3:13) until you are strong enough to kneel in prayer or walk to the foot of the throne on your own.

It’s Not About the Food

It’s about control. It’s about protection. It’s about emptiness. It’s not about the food, but about controlling our lives through our food. It’s about controlling out emotions through food. It’s about protecting our hearts and souls from painful emotions. It’s about not knowing how to fix a problem and using the only tool you could find at the time that worked – food. Liberation comes for the girl with the eating disorder when she realizes it’s not about the food, and food is not the solution.

If food were the solution, she wouldn’t still feel sad, afraid, empty, and alone. The solution can only be found when the girl with the eating disorder is ready to face her fears and call Satan on his lie by telling him “It’s not about the food.” I know, and I’m here to help. Just give me a call.

Not of this world

It is hard to believe it has been over 8 months since I last posted a single thought on life and Christianity. It’s not because I have not had them; I have just struggled to find time to put pen to paper, so to speak. It’s quite fitting that I should return from such an absence after 8 months since, in Christian numerology, the number 8 is the number of new beginnings. Perhaps this is just that – a new beginning.

I just returned from a 3-day women’s retreat at Calvary Chapel Murrieta Conference Center. While I have been on missions trips and participated in other traditional Christian activities such as conferences and studies this was the first retreat I have ever attended since giving my heart to the Lord. I was not certain what to expect going into the retreat but I have since discovered that I apparently had a better conception of what would happen during than after. I expected to feel invigorated, refreshed and on fire for the Lord. And I am all these things. However, I find that I am also feeling rather removed and separate from the world. I think that, perhaps for the first time, I truly understand what it is to be “not of this world”.

I returned to my job (at the time) feeling so completely out of place in such a secular environment. And I worked for a Catholic organization! After spending 3 days surrounded by women who know and love the Lord it is difficult to transition back into a world with such a myopic focus; one in which God is absent and business is king. I find I want to run and hide lest the glow of spiritual transformation be drained from me. But if that is what God had intended then He would not have said in John 17:15-18 “I’m not asking you to take them out of the world, but to keep them safe from the evil one. They are not part of this world any more than I am. Make them pure and holy by teaching them your words of truth. As you sent me into the world, I am sending them into the world.”

So here I sit praying that God will protect me from the influence of the world in which I live and work and give me the strength, conviction and zeal to win others to the Lord while I am in this world BUT not of this world. God, let us be a light and an image of Christ to those who do not know Him and have not accepted the salvation You so freely give. Amen.

Dawning of a New Day

The clouds have begun to lift and a rainbow - the reminder of the new covenent between God and His people – is beginning to appear in the sky, faint but ever present.  While Satan seeks to kill and destroy, to rain on the believers parade and to draw them down into the abyss in which he himself will spend eternity after the final judgement has been dealt, God is victorious and will not allow us to be tempted beyond what we are able but with every temptation will provide the way of escape (1 Corinthians 10:13).

I have read this passage many times but it was not until recently that the word “the” leaped from the page.  God does not simply promise to provide “a” way of escape but “the” way of escape.  He knows the trials and tribulations we will face and He in His omniscience also knows the perfect way of escape – the way.  It brings to mind John 14:6 when Jesus states “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.”  Jesus is the way, not “a” way.  So perhaps while we have been searching every nook and cranny, every self help book in Borders and in every psychotherapists office for the answer – “the way of escape” - it has been right in front of us all the time – Jesus.

It all comes full circle back to Jesus.  He is the answer we seek and in Him all answers are found.  All we are in need of is salvation from sin; and once sin is removed the bonds are broken and we are released into the life which God originally planned for us in the Garden of Eden.  Jesus is the way to salvation.  Jesus is “the way” of escape.  The veil has been torn (Matthew 27:51, Marke 15:38, Luke 23:45)and we are free to enter into the throne room of God through the blood of Christ.  Can I get an Amen! and a Hallelujah!  and a Praise God!

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• Meet Ylena

  Ylena Parks, a native Californian, is married to a godly man and has two beautiful step-children. She has a Master's in Community/Clinical Counseling from Eastern University and presently works as an MFT Intern at OC Chrisitan Counseling in Garden Grove, CA.

  Ylena came to Christ at Calvary Chapel-Monterey Bay in 2001. It is through Christ's work in her that she conquered a 10-year battle with Anorexia, a disorder which consumed her 20s and led her along a path of self-destruction ... and eventually into the arms of Christ.

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