Darkest before the Light

’. . . and all things that are written by the prophets concerning the Son of Man will be accomplished.’ . . . But they understood none of these things . . . —Luke 18:31, 34

Freedom (Happy 4th of July!)

If you are an American you most likely attribute the liberties we enjoy in the United States to the nation’s founding fathers and the Declaration of Independence, which was signed on July 4, 1776. However, credit should be given where credit is due and, truth me known, our freedom comes not from mortal men but from the original Founding Father – God the Father. It is through Jesus Christ that we can truly be set free – physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. The the following scriptures (ESV) attest as much:

Galations 5:1 For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.

Galatians 5:13 For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.

1 Peter 2:16 Live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover-up for evil, but living as servants of God.

2 Corinthians 3:17 Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.

If you are presently living under the yoke of bondage to addiction, co-dependency, depression, anger, bitterness, fear, eating disorder, or anxiety, know that you can be set free. There is hope for you as stated in Romans 8:21 “… the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God.” Today, this day of independence, choose to be free. Choose health and wholeness. It’s only a prayer away.

Are you picking safe people?

Here’s a great article by Dr. Henry Cloud.

Have you ever wondered why some relationships seem to lead to growth and happiness and others to pain and injury? Have you ever had the experience of meeting someone, finding them attractive and charming, trusting them in some way, and then later were hurt very badly by them? Or, worse than that, have you done that more than once with the same kind of person? [Read the full article now.]

3 Steps on the Journey Toward Healing

Have you become trapped in a negative cycle of behavior or thinking?  One that while it makes you unhappy and wreaks havoc on your self-esteem also compels you to continue in the cycle.  It’s your own personal Catch-22 and regardless of how miserable it makes you, you feel helpless to fight it or correct it.  You may think, “What’s the use of trying?” or, worse yet, you may actually believe the condemning little “voice” in your head that tells you that you “have to do it” or you’re correct to think that way of yourself.

If this is you, then I have good news for you. There is a cure. You don’t have to suffer needlessly or endlessly. But you do have to want to change.  The journey will require perseverance and work but the reward will be so rich that you will wonder, in the end, why you waited so long to begin the journey.

The first step in the journey is recognizing that you have a problem (i.e. your negative thoughts and/or behaviors). As the saying goes, denial ain’t just a river in Egypt. Until you recognize that your behaviors and/or thoughts aren’t benefiting you, then there will be no reason to change. So be open and honest with yourself.  Don’t believe the lie that there’s no hope.  There is hope.

The second step on the journey is recognizing that even though you have a problem that does not mean that you are a problem.  This thought alone can keep you trapped in the negative cycle. Let me say it again, even though you have a problem that does not mean that you are a problem. You are a beautiful and wonderful creation of God. Having a problem(s) (i.e. being imperfect) does not make you bad. Remember, “God saw everything that He had made, and indeed it was very good” (Genesis 1:31). That includes you. You are good.  You’re just imperfect like the rest of us.

The third step on the journey is giving yourself the gift of grace. Grace allows you the room to work through your issues lovingly, without the beast of condemnation squashing your hope. So many times we stay in a negative cycle of behavior and thought because we feel condemned and believe that we deserve a life of suffering. Not true. Christ came to give us life and give it more abundantly.  He wants you to live and experience the peace that surpasses understanding (Phillipians 4:7).

So come and partake of the peace.  The journey begins now.

Living in a cage

The following is a story I hold dear to my heart. It was told to me by a missionary who had returned from Africa, where she had heard a version (I have taken creative liberties) of this story told by a local.

Deep in the heart of an African jungle there sat a caged tiger. The tiger, a beautiful, strong creature, had been lured into the cage by a tantalizing piece of meat. Just as the tiger was savoring his first bite of meat, the cage door slammed closed behind him. Shocked and panicked, the tiger lunged at the door trying to push it open, desperate for escape. But the bars of the cage were too strong and despite the tiger’s best efforts there was no escape. So the tiger, feeling defeated, curled up on the cage floor and, after savoring the last of the juicy piece of meat, fell asleep.

The next morning the tiger awoke to sunshine breaking through the canopy of the jungle and the sounds of birds singing. Through the bars he watched monkeys swing in the trees and a line of ants busily carrying food back to their hill. The jungle was so alive and he longed to be part of the activity. But try as he might, there was no escape from the cage. So the tiger rested on the cold, hard steel floor of the cage, hungry for more juicy meat and longing to be free.

Just then a tribesman came along and saw the caged tiger. Having compassion on the tiger, the tribesman examined the cage to see if there was a way to free the tiger without putting himself in harms way. Not finding a way, he decided that the best he could do was to feed the tiger. So he tossed a piece of fresh game into the cage and went on his way. The tiger was very thankful for the meat, devouring it immediately, but still sad that he was not free to enjoy the jungle and the company of his pride.

The day passed, the night fell, and a new day dawned all the while the tiger was still locked in the cold, hard steel cage. While a new day brought the tiger hope of being released, it also brought with it fear that this may be his “home” for quite some time. Just then the tribesman from the day prior appeared. He again had compassion on the tiger and tried to open the cage but to no avail. So, as he had done the day prior, he tossed in a piece of fresh game he had caught earlier in the day. The tiger, while still feeling saddened by his captivity, was gladdened by the visitor, although he preferred the company of his pride, and was thankful for the tasty morsel although he would have preferred to have caught something fresher himself. Never the less, he found himself grateful for what he was given and a little more comfortable in the cold, hard steel cage.

This pattern transpired for days, weeks, and months. And with each passing day the tiger, no longer strong, due to inactivity, or beautiful, due to a poor diet, became more and more comfortable in the cold, hard steel cage. In fact, he even began to forget what life was like outside of the cage. He saw the beauty of the surrounding jungle and enjoyed watching the wildlife at play, but he was comfortable and safe in the cold, hard steel cage. Sure he didn’t get to enjoy playing with the pride and hunting down fresh game, but he was fed so should he really want more? He reasoned that it was best not to want more, lest he be disappointed.

Eventually, after months and years of living in the cold, hard steel cage, the tiger lost any hope that he would ever be released from the cage and resigned himself to existence in the cage. After all, he had been in the cage so long surely this is where he was supposed to live. He didn’t like it, but he decided to accept it anyway.

It was then that by some miracle, or perhaps the wear and tear of the jungle rains on the metal hinges, the cage door fell open. Astonished, the tiger hardly knew what to do. He had never expected this to happen. After looking at the open door for a couple of moments, the tiger decided to venture out into the jungle beyond. Slowly, he took two steps out of the cold, hard steel cage onto the warm, soft soil of the jungle floor.  What used to feel so familiar to him now felt so foreign and a little bit frightening. It was as if this was the first time he had walked in this jungle. And while for months and years he had watched the activity in the jungle with a bit of envy in his heart, now the activity seemed a bit overwhelming. What had once been so familiar – the life, the feel, the smell of the jungle – was now so foreign and frightening. The tiger quickly retreated back into the safety of the cage. But now after having felt the warmth and softness of the jungle floor, the cold, hard steel cage didn’t feel quite as comfortable as it had before.

The tiger sat uncomfortably in the cage for a few minutes before deciding, once again, to venture out of the cage. First he stepped one paw out of the cage, then another and another and another until all four paws were out of the cage and he was standing on the warm, soft soil of the jungle floor. Just then a monkey came swinging by in the tree branches as a bird began singing out to its friends.  Surprised by the sounds and activity the tiger again retreated to the cage.

Frustrated and dismayed, the tiger knew that what he really wanted was to be free of the cage so that he could roam and explore the jungle, join his pride and once again become part of the life and activity of the jungle. Yet, at the same time, he was afraid of what he might encounter in the jungle. In his cage he always knew what to expect – cold, hard steel accompanied by a piece of fresh game from the tribesman. Out in the jungle anything could happen. He remembered many good things had happened when he had been out in the jungle before such as playing with the pride, hunting down fresh game, and lying in the warmth of the sun. However, there had been some bad things that happened too, the worst of which – famine – had resulted in his seeking food in the jungle and ultimately getting trapped in the cage. “What should I do?” the tiger wondered.

Just then another tiger – strong and healthy – emerged from the jungle. The tiger approached the cage and inquired of the weaker tiger why he remained in the cage when the door was wide open. The weaker tiger replied, “I want to leave this cage, to experience the jungle once again, but I have been in this cage for so long I am afraid I no longer know how to live free in the jungle.” The strong, healthy tiger, with much compassion, replied, “Come with me and I will show you how.” And so with trepidation the weaker tiger exited the cage into the companionship of the strong, healthy tiger. And together they ventured out into the jungle.

The strong, healthy tiger stayed alongside the weaker tiger for days, weeks, and months until the weaker tiger learned once again how to live in freedom and became the strong, beautiful tiger he had been before captivity. It was only then that the strong, healthy tiger departed his company and left the strong, beautiful tiger to enjoy the life he had dreamed of now that he was free of the cold, hard steel cage.

Like the caged tiger, there are many of us that become comfortable or resigned to our “cold, hard steel cages” of addiction, depression, eating disorders, pornography or promiscuity. Having been trapped in the cage for so long, we begin to forget that there is any other way to live. And whenever we do experience anything different, perhaps even healthier, we shrink away from it because we fear the unknown. But there is hope in that which is stronger than us – Jesus Christ (1 Chronicles 10:22, Titus 2:11-14). He can open the cage door and set you free (John 8:36). Faith in His strength and desire to lead you out of the cage and into the beautiful jungle – the glorious life He desires for you – is all that is required.

Counseling is about the person

The following article was published in Bible Study Magazine on March 1.

Counseling Is Not About Pat Answers But a Person

When our study of the Bible stops permeating our lives, what has gone wrong? David Powlison, teacher of pastoral counseling for Christian Counseling & Educational Foundation (CCEF), says it may be because we view the Bible as abstract doctrine. We could also be misapplying the events in Scripture. Bible Study Magazine recently spoke to the editor of The Journal of Biblical Counseling about studying the Bible for application and the need for interpersonal ministries to be informed by Scripture. [Read article.]

Timing is Everything

Luke 18:31-34 Then He took the twelve aside and said to them “Behold we are going up to Jerusalem and all things that are written by the prophets concerning the Son of Man will be accomplished. “For He will be delivered to the Gentiles and will be mocked and insulted and spit upon. “They will scourge Him and kill Him. And the third day He will rise again.” But they understood none of these things; this saying was hidden from them and they did not know the things which were spoken.

Upon reading this passage one might wonder why Jesus told the disciples what was to transpire in Jerusalem yet, at the same time, the understanding of what He said was hidden from them (v34).  Why tell someone something if the understanding is to be hidden from him or her?  Where is the sense in that?  Well, sharing this information with the disciples while keeping the understanding hidden served multiple purposes including the following: (1) The disciples’ and our edification and understanding at a later date (1 Peter 1:12); (2) as a testimony of Christ’s omniscience and, therefore, confirmation of His deity; (3) it was important information for the disciples to hear but the time was not right for them to understand it.  It’s the third reason that prompts me to write.

As a counselor, I have encountered many Christians who while knowing the truth – the Word of God – have yet to fully understand it in the context of their life.   Why?  Because just as the disciples heard but did not understand, we too can have heard the truth but have yet to understand what it means for us on a personal level.  I do not believe this is a conscience choice.  Who among us would deny an answer and a deeper understanding if given the opportunity?  This lack of understanding – or hidden meaning – is by the will of God.  Only He knows when the time will be right for you to understand the truth.  And it is at that time that He will reveal it.

Just as it was not the disciples’ time to understand all that Christ had shared with them, it is often not the perfect timing in our life for us to understand what God has spoken to us but perhaps has not revealed to our heart.  When the timing is right, that is when the truth is revealed and we have what, in counseling, we like to call the “aha!” moment – the moment when an understanding of the issue becomes suddenly clear and nearly obvious. Often it’s at these times that one wonders, “How did I not see this before when the answer was right in front of me and I have been looking at it the entire time?”  S/he did not see it because s/he was not ready to see it.  Their heart was not in the proper place to be able to understand and accept the truth.  But once God has conformed your heart to His and prepared you for understanding He can then reveal the truth.

Perhaps you have experienced this in your life or in relationship to a person you have walked along side of during a particular trial or struggle.  Perhaps it was a family member struggling with alcohol abuse and you wondered, “Why can’t s/he see how much damage they are doing to themselves and their family?”  Or maybe it was a friend who was in a bad or abusive relationship and you wondered, “Why can’t she see how horrible he is? Why doesn’t she understand that she deserves better?” I am fairly certain that each of us has experienced a time in our life when we either wondered why it took us so long to understand a truth or why a friend, loved one or co-worker couldn’t see the truth.  In fact, it can be very frustrating as an observer to watch someone struggle when the answer seems so obvious yet they don’t seem to understand.

Perhaps you can find comfort in knowing that if you or s/he does not understand the truth that seems so obvious that the timing, according to God, may not be right for that truth to be revealed.  Remember, God is the Creator of the universe and nothing occurs without His knowledge and allowance.  If He wants us to understand a truth it is within His purview to draw open the curtains and let the light shine in the darkness.  So it is by His design that not all is revealed at once.  In our humanity we are only capable of understanding the truth one piece at a time.  I believe our cognitive, emotional and spiritual abilities in their less than perfect and impaired state, thanks to the fall of man, would be overwhelmed if all were to be revealed at once.  So God reveals the truth to us pieces at a time, as we are ready to digest and understand the truth.

So the next time you or someone you know is struggling with an issue, have patience with yourself and them.  God will reveal the truth – the answer – in the appropriate time.  Until then, join God in the work of preparing their heart for that truth by supporting their mental, emotional and spiritual health through love, kindness, grace, prayer and always directing them to the Word of God for edification and growth.  And in cases of deep distress or when their physical well-being is in jeopardy, refer them to a Pastor or professional counselor so that they can get the guidance and support necessary to be safe.

A Few Good Men (or Women)

1 Samuel 14:6 “…it may be that God will work for us.  For nothing restrains the Lord from saving by many or by few.”

For those who are not familiar with this passage, allow me set the stage.  Picture it – the Israelites are at the mercy of the Philistines.  The odds are stacked against them and they are outnumbered.  While Saul, the King, sits beneath a pomegranate tree in the outskirts of Gibeah with 600 of his men, including the High Priest, his son Jonathan and his armor bearer sneak over to the Philistine garrison (1 Samuel 14:1-5) with the intent to seize the garrison.  Crazy, right?  Two men against hundreds; what were Jonathan and his armor bearer thinking?  They were thinking “… For nothing restrains the Lord from saving by many or by few”(1 Samuel 14:6).

Just like Jonathan and his armor bearer we too are confronted by similar “garrisons” in our life.  They are the daunting situations, events or people that disturb our mental, emotional or physical well-being and impede our ability to be free from anger, resentment, frustration, and unhappiness.   In the shadow of these “garrisons” we stand, perhaps feeling insignificant and perhaps even without any hope that victory can be ours.  Have you been there or are you there right now?  If so, please take heart and have hope because your “story” can end just as it did for Jonathan and his armor bearer – in victory.

In part two of our story, Jonathan and his armor bearer, motivated by the thought in 1 Samuel 14:6, enter the Philistine garrison and begin a battle that they ultimately win.  The key word being “begin” for, you see, it was the noise and commotion that Jonathan and his armor bearer created that drew the attention of Saul who then sent in reinforcements (1 Samuel 14:23), which ultimately led to victory over the Philistines.  So what Jonathan and his armor bearer started, despite any fear or trepidation they may have had, God completed through Saul’s army.

The “garrisons” in your life may seem overwhelming and impossible to conquer but, in reality, they are not impenetrable when you have hope and God on your side.  They are, however, impenetrable if you never scale the garrison walls to battle the darkness lurking on the other side.  Whether we like it or not (and we don’t like it), battles are not won in the comfort of our home (a.k.a. denial) but on the battlefield (a.k.a. awareness).  If we do not enter the battlefield to “fight” the anger, resentment, frustration, and unhappiness then there is little hope of victory.  However, if we take the first step as Jonathan and his armor bearer did, and scale that wall to fight the darkness that lies behind it, God can deliver victory … but only if you trust Him enough to believe “… For nothing restrains the Lord from saving by many or by few”(1 Samuel 14:6).

No Shame in Suffering

1 Peter 4:16 “Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in this matter.”

Many incorrectly assume that the Christian life is a life of ease – rose petals, chocolate and day dreaming on a sandy white beach in the Carribean.  This is not what the Lord has promised us. He promised us a life of trials and tribulations BUT He also overcame the world and has promised to return and to give us an eternal life so be of “good cheer” (John 16:33).

So if you are experiencing a challenging time in your life and you are a Christian, I assure you that you are not alone nor is it an indication that you are a “bad” Christian.  Experiencing tribulation – hurt, pain, sadness, anger, grief – is par for the course and nothing that you should feel ashamed of experiencing.  We all have times of joy and times of sorrow; scripture confirms that “To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven” (Ecclesiastes 3:1).

Does that mean that you have to valiantly suffer through the difficulties all on your own?  No! We are called to exhort (i.e. encourage) one another so that we may prevail (Hebrews 3:13) and ultimately glorify God despite our suffering.  What Satan divides and isolates, God brings together in fellowship.  So please don’t believe the lie that Satan is selling – “you’re alone.”  Instead, come “home” to the Savior’s loving and merciful arms.  Find exhortation and support in the church body.  But whatever you do, don’t give up.

Waiting for Life to Begin

Are you waiting for life to begin?  Perhaps you’re managing your unhappiness through “self-medication” substance use ( alcohol, medication, drugs) to excess, shopping to excess, working in excess, eating in excess or participating in a self-inflicted hunger strike, protesting against the unhappiness.  The hope is that through your actions (pick one of the aforementioned) you can either cover up the unhappiness or drive it away.  The reality, however, is that no matter what you do, you are still unhappy.  Your life feels more like an ending than a beginning.  You’re desperate for life to begin but at a loss on how to get it started.  There is hope and it lies in the Truth – Jesus Christ.

The truth is that there is absolutely nothing that we can do that will satisfy our hunger, heal our hurts or bring us joy.  We’re mere mortals.  Only God – via Jesus Christ – has the power to make satisfaction a reality in our life.  He is the Bread of Life, our Physician and Healer, our All in All.  Without Him we only have the world to satisfy us and, quite frankly, the world is like a bag of salty potato chips – attractive, tasty, addictive, drawing us back for more and more but ultimately resulting in a stomach ache and severe dehydration (i.e. not fully satisfying).

For many years I ate that proverbial bag of potato chips believing that if I was just thinner, prettier, dressed in designer clothes, was smarter, drove a nicer car, was married or in a relationship, was wealthy, and/or had a fabulous career that I would be satisfied, filled with happiness and joy.  Boy, was I wrong!  Just as one would expect, the more I “ate” of that lie the thirstier I became.  I didn’t find happiness; I found hospitalization, dysfunctional relationships and credit card debt.  It wasn’t until I drank the Living Water (John 4:10) that I was satisfied and filled with joy.

“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” ~ Jesus (Matthew 11:28-30)

It’s a new year and the perfect time to break through the unhappiness and find rest for your weary, thirsty soul in Jesus Christ.  Don’t lose hope, find it in the loving arms of your Savior.

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• Meet Ylena

  Ylena Parks, a native Californian, is married to a godly man and has two beautiful step-children. She has a Master's in Community/Clinical Counseling from Eastern University and presently works as an MFT Intern at OC Chrisitan Counseling in Garden Grove, CA.

  Ylena came to Christ at Calvary Chapel-Monterey Bay in 2001. It is through Christ's work in her that she conquered a 10-year battle with Anorexia, a disorder which consumed her 20s and led her along a path of self-destruction ... and eventually into the arms of Christ.

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