Timing is Everything

Luke 18:31-34 Then He took the twelve aside and said to them “Behold we are going up to Jerusalem and all things that are written by the prophets concerning the Son of Man will be accomplished. “For He will be delivered to the Gentiles and will be mocked and insulted and spit upon. “They will scourge Him and kill Him. And the third day He will rise again.” But they understood none of these things; this saying was hidden from them and they did not know the things which were spoken.

Upon reading this passage one might wonder why Jesus told the disciples what was to transpire in Jerusalem yet, at the same time, the understanding of what He said was hidden from them (v34).  Why tell someone something if the understanding is to be hidden from him or her?  Where is the sense in that?  Well, sharing this information with the disciples while keeping the understanding hidden served multiple purposes including the following: (1) The disciples’ and our edification and understanding at a later date (1 Peter 1:12); (2) as a testimony of Christ’s omniscience and, therefore, confirmation of His deity; (3) it was important information for the disciples to hear but the time was not right for them to understand it.  It’s the third reason that prompts me to write.

As a counselor, I have encountered many Christians who while knowing the truth – the Word of God – have yet to fully understand it in the context of their life.   Why?  Because just as the disciples heard but did not understand, we too can have heard the truth but have yet to understand what it means for us on a personal level.  I do not believe this is a conscience choice.  Who among us would deny an answer and a deeper understanding if given the opportunity?  This lack of understanding – or hidden meaning – is by the will of God.  Only He knows when the time will be right for you to understand the truth.  And it is at that time that He will reveal it.

Just as it was not the disciples’ time to understand all that Christ had shared with them, it is often not the perfect timing in our life for us to understand what God has spoken to us but perhaps has not revealed to our heart.  When the timing is right, that is when the truth is revealed and we have what, in counseling, we like to call the “aha!” moment – the moment when an understanding of the issue becomes suddenly clear and nearly obvious. Often it’s at these times that one wonders, “How did I not see this before when the answer was right in front of me and I have been looking at it the entire time?”  S/he did not see it because s/he was not ready to see it.  Their heart was not in the proper place to be able to understand and accept the truth.  But once God has conformed your heart to His and prepared you for understanding He can then reveal the truth.

Perhaps you have experienced this in your life or in relationship to a person you have walked along side of during a particular trial or struggle.  Perhaps it was a family member struggling with alcohol abuse and you wondered, “Why can’t s/he see how much damage they are doing to themselves and their family?”  Or maybe it was a friend who was in a bad or abusive relationship and you wondered, “Why can’t she see how horrible he is? Why doesn’t she understand that she deserves better?” I am fairly certain that each of us has experienced a time in our life when we either wondered why it took us so long to understand a truth or why a friend, loved one or co-worker couldn’t see the truth.  In fact, it can be very frustrating as an observer to watch someone struggle when the answer seems so obvious yet they don’t seem to understand.

Perhaps you can find comfort in knowing that if you or s/he does not understand the truth that seems so obvious that the timing, according to God, may not be right for that truth to be revealed.  Remember, God is the Creator of the universe and nothing occurs without His knowledge and allowance.  If He wants us to understand a truth it is within His purview to draw open the curtains and let the light shine in the darkness.  So it is by His design that not all is revealed at once.  In our humanity we are only capable of understanding the truth one piece at a time.  I believe our cognitive, emotional and spiritual abilities in their less than perfect and impaired state, thanks to the fall of man, would be overwhelmed if all were to be revealed at once.  So God reveals the truth to us pieces at a time, as we are ready to digest and understand the truth.

So the next time you or someone you know is struggling with an issue, have patience with yourself and them.  God will reveal the truth – the answer – in the appropriate time.  Until then, join God in the work of preparing their heart for that truth by supporting their mental, emotional and spiritual health through love, kindness, grace, prayer and always directing them to the Word of God for edification and growth.  And in cases of deep distress or when their physical well-being is in jeopardy, refer them to a Pastor or professional counselor so that they can get the guidance and support necessary to be safe.

A Few Good Men (or Women)

1 Samuel 14:6 “…it may be that God will work for us.  For nothing restrains the Lord from saving by many or by few.”

For those who are not familiar with this passage, allow me set the stage.  Picture it – the Israelites are at the mercy of the Philistines.  The odds are stacked against them and they are outnumbered.  While Saul, the King, sits beneath a pomegranate tree in the outskirts of Gibeah with 600 of his men, including the High Priest, his son Jonathan and his armor bearer sneak over to the Philistine garrison (1 Samuel 14:1-5) with the intent to seize the garrison.  Crazy, right?  Two men against hundreds; what were Jonathan and his armor bearer thinking?  They were thinking “… For nothing restrains the Lord from saving by many or by few”(1 Samuel 14:6).

Just like Jonathan and his armor bearer we too are confronted by similar “garrisons” in our life.  They are the daunting situations, events or people that disturb our mental, emotional or physical well-being and impede our ability to be free from anger, resentment, frustration, and unhappiness.   In the shadow of these “garrisons” we stand, perhaps feeling insignificant and perhaps even without any hope that victory can be ours.  Have you been there or are you there right now?  If so, please take heart and have hope because your “story” can end just as it did for Jonathan and his armor bearer – in victory.

In part two of our story, Jonathan and his armor bearer, motivated by the thought in 1 Samuel 14:6, enter the Philistine garrison and begin a battle that they ultimately win.  The key word being “begin” for, you see, it was the noise and commotion that Jonathan and his armor bearer created that drew the attention of Saul who then sent in reinforcements (1 Samuel 14:23), which ultimately led to victory over the Philistines.  So what Jonathan and his armor bearer started, despite any fear or trepidation they may have had, God completed through Saul’s army.

The “garrisons” in your life may seem overwhelming and impossible to conquer but, in reality, they are not impenetrable when you have hope and God on your side.  They are, however, impenetrable if you never scale the garrison walls to battle the darkness lurking on the other side.  Whether we like it or not (and we don’t like it), battles are not won in the comfort of our home (a.k.a. denial) but on the battlefield (a.k.a. awareness).  If we do not enter the battlefield to “fight” the anger, resentment, frustration, and unhappiness then there is little hope of victory.  However, if we take the first step as Jonathan and his armor bearer did, and scale that wall to fight the darkness that lies behind it, God can deliver victory … but only if you trust Him enough to believe “… For nothing restrains the Lord from saving by many or by few”(1 Samuel 14:6).

No Shame in Suffering

1 Peter 4:16 “Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in this matter.”

Many incorrectly assume that the Christian life is a life of ease – rose petals, chocolate and day dreaming on a sandy white beach in the Carribean.  This is not what the Lord has promised us. He promised us a life of trials and tribulations BUT He also overcame the world and has promised to return and to give us an eternal life so be of “good cheer” (John 16:33).

So if you are experiencing a challenging time in your life and you are a Christian, I assure you that you are not alone nor is it an indication that you are a “bad” Christian.  Experiencing tribulation – hurt, pain, sadness, anger, grief – is par for the course and nothing that you should feel ashamed of experiencing.  We all have times of joy and times of sorrow; scripture confirms that “To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven” (Ecclesiastes 3:1).

Does that mean that you have to valiantly suffer through the difficulties all on your own?  No! We are called to exhort (i.e. encourage) one another so that we may prevail (Hebrews 3:13) and ultimately glorify God despite our suffering.  What Satan divides and isolates, God brings together in fellowship.  So please don’t believe the lie that Satan is selling – “you’re alone.”  Instead, come “home” to the Savior’s loving and merciful arms.  Find exhortation and support in the church body.  But whatever you do, don’t give up.

Waiting for Life to Begin

Are you waiting for life to begin?  Perhaps you’re managing your unhappiness through “self-medication” substance use ( alcohol, medication, drugs) to excess, shopping to excess, working in excess, eating in excess or participating in a self-inflicted hunger strike, protesting against the unhappiness.  The hope is that through your actions (pick one of the aforementioned) you can either cover up the unhappiness or drive it away.  The reality, however, is that no matter what you do, you are still unhappy.  Your life feels more like an ending than a beginning.  You’re desperate for life to begin but at a loss on how to get it started.  There is hope and it lies in the Truth – Jesus Christ.

The truth is that there is absolutely nothing that we can do that will satisfy our hunger, heal our hurts or bring us joy.  We’re mere mortals.  Only God – via Jesus Christ – has the power to make satisfaction a reality in our life.  He is the Bread of Life, our Physician and Healer, our All in All.  Without Him we only have the world to satisfy us and, quite frankly, the world is like a bag of salty potato chips – attractive, tasty, addictive, drawing us back for more and more but ultimately resulting in a stomach ache and severe dehydration (i.e. not fully satisfying).

For many years I ate that proverbial bag of potato chips believing that if I was just thinner, prettier, dressed in designer clothes, was smarter, drove a nicer car, was married or in a relationship, was wealthy, and/or had a fabulous career that I would be satisfied, filled with happiness and joy.  Boy, was I wrong!  Just as one would expect, the more I “ate” of that lie the thirstier I became.  I didn’t find happiness; I found hospitalization, dysfunctional relationships and credit card debt.  It wasn’t until I drank the Living Water (John 4:10) that I was satisfied and filled with joy.

“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” ~ Jesus (Matthew 11:28-30)

It’s a new year and the perfect time to break through the unhappiness and find rest for your weary, thirsty soul in Jesus Christ.  Don’t lose hope, find it in the loving arms of your Savior.

Open Wounds

Healing through therapy is a process and, unfortunately, sometimes a painful one. It is difficult to look inside ourselves – at the hurt, anger, and insecurities – without feeling the pain of the emotions and beliefs about ourselves that we are examining. Yet it is a requirement for healing.  Just as a surgeon must open up a patient in order to heal an internal ailment, so too must I as a therapist delve into the darkness and light that is within.

It’s the potential pain of healing that keep many of us trapped in our unhappiness, depression and dissatisfaction. Although we do not feel good, we are certain that what we feel currently will feel better than taking a hard look at ourselves by endeavoring to change.  So we remain in our unhappy state, comfortably uncomfortable in our dissatisfaction and hoping that by some miracle the feeling will go away despite our doing nothing to remedy it.  Oh, if only healing by ignoring the problem were possible!  It’s not.

In order to heal we must understand why we are hurting.  Unfortunately this requires feeling the pain and examining the internal issue in the light of day.  Is it fun?  No.  Is there a reward it in it?  Yes – healing. Examining our self – identifying our shortcomings, hurt, anger and insecurities – and feeling the pain is not easy nor for the faint of heart.  But for those who desire healing and greater mental and emotional strength it is necessary.  We must bring the “yuck”, as a client once called it, out into the light so that we can purge it.

The following excerpt from Oswald Chamber’s, “My Utmost for His Highest”, reminded me of this very principle.  The excerpt is based upon John 14:9 which states, “Jesus said to him, ‘Have I been with you so long, and yet you have not known Me, Philip?’”  At first read, it might appear as though Jesus is rebuking Philip by saying, in modern day terms, “Philip, how could you not know me?!  Hello!  I’ve been with you all this time.  Duh!”  But that’s not what Jesus was saying nor was it His intended meaning.  As Oswald Chamber’s states, “These words were not spoken as a rebuke, nor even with surprise; Jesus was encouraging Philip to draw closer. Yet the last person we get intimate with is Jesus.”  Shockingly true isn’t it?  Jesus often is the last person we get intimate with despite the fact that we know Him as Healer and Friend.

The question is, “Why?” – “Why don’t we get intimate with Jesus?” I believe it’s for the same reason we stay stuck in our dysfunctional behavior – we are afraid to admit who we really are and the pain we are truly feeling.  If we were to allow Jesus to intimately know us, we fear that He might not like us or that we would feel condemned.  And, likewise, if we were to intimately examine our self or our internal workings we might find out we don’t really like what we find or to feel the pain, sadness and dissatisfaction that’s inside.  I certainly don’t blame you for wanting to hide.  But, folks, just like we can’t hide from Jesus (remember, he already does but that doesn’t keep us from trying to keep Him out) we can’t hide from our pain and expect it to go away.  You have to feel it to heal it!  Just as a doctor must remove a bullet from your body in order for your body to fully heal, you have to release the pain and hurt to heal the open wound in your heart.  It’s a terrifying thing to do but it must be done if you wish to truly heal.

It’s a new year and it could also be a new you – satisfied and joy-filled.  But you can only be new if you let the Light shine in; that’s when the healing begins.

Therefore, from now on, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we have known Christ according to the flesh, yet now we know Him thus no longer. ¹⁷ Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. 2 Corinthians 5:16-17, NKJV

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  Ylena Parks, a native Californian, is married to a godly man and has two beautiful step-children. She has a Master's in Community/Clinical Counseling from Eastern University and presently works as an MFT Intern at OC Chrisitan Counseling in Garden Grove, CA.

  Ylena came to Christ at Calvary Chapel-Monterey Bay in 2001. It is through Christ's work in her that she conquered a 10-year battle with Anorexia, a disorder which consumed her 20s and led her along a path of self-destruction ... and eventually into the arms of Christ.

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